Masked
by Phonesy
Summary: Kakashi has attempted suicide. What happened to the brat? Tsunade sets out to find out why, and to stumble into a hidden past that holds the future and past.  No pairings. Stupidity will abound.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is my first fan fiction, but I'll accept constructive criticism, please be considerate. Thanks. IF this would clear up any confusion, the teaser bit is a tiny spoiler of the future. Rated T for safety

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, other than my plot, I own nothing.

**Teaser**

A woman walking with her husband fainted, another screamed. Washed onto the shore, a child lay lifelessly as a passerby cautiously approached. The child's silver hair was covered with blood; his outfit was now in rags exposing wounds to the morning sky. Time was passing as the pool of blood began seeping into the river, the shinobi who had been identifying the child quickly scooped up the bloody mess and ran to the Hokage's office. "Hokage-sama…"

"Yes? What is it now?" muttered the ruler underneath all of the paperwork on his desk.

"This child…"

"Is that Sakumo's child? MEDICS! Get in here now!"

**Chapter One**

Tsunade groaned. Being the new Hokage was enough trouble, but why did her one of her top men try to commit suicide? It didn't make sense at all, the day before he was the jonin that every one knew but what happened overnight nobody knows. The Akatsuki already have captured all of the remaining bijuu, leaving only Naruto the only target left, Tsunade doesn't need another problem to deal with. "Shizune, get me some sake, all of this chaos is giving me headache, never mind I'm going over to Kakashi's place."

"Tsunade-sama..."

"What is it Shizune?"

"Why do you think Kakashi- san tried to-"

"I don't know that's why I'm going there right now," muttered Tsunade as she swept out of her office.

Kakashi's penthouse was surrounded by ANBU member sealing off all the exits, cornering the young man in his home. Several members of the squad sat inside, watching their comrade sleeping peacefully. Gentle winds blew through the open window, as Tsunade entered the room glancing at her latest problem. "Has he been asleep all this time?"

"Yes he has, Hokage. Do you think we should wake him up now? He has been unconscious since Jiraiya knocked him out." Rat gently implied accidentally letting genuine concern into her voice for her fellow soldier.

"No, we'll leave in peace for now. I'll come back in the afternoon if he isn't awake then wake him up. Also if he wakes up before I come, contact me immediately."

"Yes," muttered the team attempting to resist the sudden flow of information. Why was the ANBU's main question, why had Hatake tried to commit suicide? Kakashi was not the type to resort to death, everyone in the room knew that. That was their mistake, nobody really knows who Kakashi really is. All they see a mask, one that hides a dangerous truth.

Pain shot through his spine as Kakashi attempted to get up, thoughts raided his mind._ I guess Tsunade sent an ANBU squad to baby-sit me…Oh well… _"Since you guys are here, feel free to use whatever you like," groaned the jonin as he leaned against his pillows. Several gasps of shock echoed throughout the plaza, Kakashi winced preparing himself for the next wave.

"Kakashi, you okay? If you are, I was thinking that this Friday-"

"Sorry, I'm busy…"

"My, you have grown from the last time I saw you."

"Sempai, I'm 29 now, I CAN'T grow anymore."

"You sure you are busy? I mean you tried to-"

"Panda, watch what you say!"

"Sorry, Sempai…"

"I call dibs on the sofa!" Chit-chatter flowed in and out of the room the elite shinobi were completely forgetting that this was A-ranked mission. Most of the ANBU scampered to the television lounge, others to the kitchen only to be mystified by the empty fridge. Rat and her team were have tea and sake in the tea room, Owl and his buddies decided to go on a full out drinking binge and Raccoon decided to take advantage of vast computer system in Hatake's office. Who said that shinobi should never show any emotion, let alone plain stupidity, on a mission?

The main entrance doors swung open, allowing the Hokage to enter the vicinity. Immediate shock registered in her mind as she gazed around the apartment. Her top ANBU Squads were all drunk, busy hacking into somebody's account, sobbing while watching the current soap opera or singing karaoke at the top of their lungs. _How on earth did Hatake fall asleep in this chaos?_ Tsunade rolled her eyes and as she entered Kakashi's room, allowing her squads to wreck chaos in the penthouse. They'll receive their punishment after she dealt with Kakashi.

Hatake was sound asleep on his bed, cradled by his pillows. The Hokage strolled toward him and abruptly woke him up with pinch to the cheek, ignoring Kakashi's glare of annoyance when the startled man woke up.

"I presume that you want to know why I tried to commit seppuku."

"Yes," replied the woman. Fear crept up her spine as she digested the misery in Kakashi's eye. "I don't understand why, for all the time I or anyone else for that matter, have known this side of you. Kakashi, we just want to know why."

"I guess you'll need the entire story," mumbled the jonin as he quickly performed some hand seals. Tsunade was shocked if not confused by the sudden movement from her patient, only to find herself in a middle of a courtyard drenched with rain.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry for those who are waiting patiently for the chapters, my schedule is cluttered with school. Thanks to all those who read the first chapter and double thanks to those who reviewed. And Also I had to warp some of the character's ages to make my plot work (aka: Itachi).

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Chapter 2 **

_Why am I at the Konoha nursery? _That thought rang through Tsunade's head as she glanced up the building in front of her. A gentle tugging feeling coaxed the Hokage towards the doors. As the woman reached for the doorknob, she slipped right through the door with out any resistance._ What happened to me, I don't remember being able to walk through doors… And why are my feet moving by itself? _Tsunade was swiftly maneuvered around the complex and arrived to a sudden halt in the middle of the hall. The Hokage was just about to relax slightly when she was jerked up several floors before halting in a room. Dazed with shock, she glanced at the scenario in front of her wide hazel eyes.

Doctors were scrambling around the room shouting word of encouragement to the mother as well as ordering nurses for emergency measures. As Tsunade glided over toward the woman and her husband, facts raced through her mind eliminating possibilities. One word flashed across Tsunade's mind as she recognized the husband, he had silver hair that was spiked to an angle with a ponytail coming out of the back of his head. _Sakumo._ The man that had nearly made his entire country fall due to his conscience was alive and well in front of her. Well, as well as a man could be when he was being shaken like a rag toy for a dog by his wife who was in pain from labor.

"Yuki please, hang on for a little bit more."

"What? Sakumo, are you NUTS? You are not pregnant nor do you have to deal with this type of pain!" grumbled Yuki as she once again shook the living daylights out of her husband.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Much to her own surprise, Tsunade fell asleep amidst all of this chaos, only to be waken up with a piercing complaint from an irritated baby. A baby boy sniveled under all of the attention it was receiving, as doctors rushed him around tending to his needs. Noise bubbled up and down in the room, as the rain attempted to drown out the noise without avail. "The name you have chosen is completely insane! You know that Toshiro would be a better selection!"

"No Sakumo, I prefer Kakashi!"

"Who would name their kid a scarecrow?"

"Get used to it!" Tsunade snickered at the scenario knowing who would be the victor, poor Kakashi he would have to deal with the humiliation later. Yuki quickly snatched the forms that a nurse was holding out for the parents as several doctors attempted to hold back the irritated father from burning the entire nursery down in an attempt to stop his wife. _Wait, if we are talking about a chibi Kakashi did I travel back in time? Or is this a chaotic dream?_ The woman was quickly interrupted in her thoughts as the bickering couple and departed the room, relieving the exhausted medical personnel.

"Yuki, are you sure on leaving the nursery this early? From what your mother has said, you need rest and-"

"What? You out of all people are listening to the advice to my mother? She is overrun by tradition! And Sakumo I am not a little dolly to be taken care of, I am a kunochi for your information if you forgot." After constantly bickering, the couple finally noticed the death glare that their newly born son was giving them. Ahh, family moments, you got to love them.

As the couple went home in silence, Tsunade trailed behind wondering whether this is her imagination or if Hatake was behind this. Flashes of Kakashi's rapid hand seals flashed across her mind as the Sannin wondered if they were of major importance. Even as the Hokage she couldn't distinguish all of his hand seals, not only that, he had this strange but powerful chakra surrounding him, one that did not belong to an ordinary jonin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsunade just realized how little she knew about Sakumo, where he lived or even who he was married to. The couple lived in a comfy cottage in the outskirts of Konoha and on the border of the Uchiha compound. Yuki had long black hair that was tied back in a ponytail with bangs protruding in front of her eyes. _Strange…Yuki-chan look like an Uchiha, talks like an Uchiha, acts like an Uchiha, and argues like one. Why would a Hatake marry an Uchiha when both clans despise each other?_ Heads swung towards the door as a family entered the vicinity.

"Sorry for the inconvenience, we just came home. How is everyone at home?" Yuki asked cheerfully only to be harassed by questions about the new baby.

Shock was registering in Tsunade's mind. First it was Sakumo and Yuki and now Fugaku and Mikoto all four alive and well. Not only that there was young child with them unmistakably Itachi, but there was only one problem, this chibi Itachi carefree and hyperactive. Hyperactive. A hyperactive Itachi. Now that was something that you don't see everyday.

_Impossible, Itachi is 24, younger than Kakashi by 5 years yet… here I see a baby and a 1 year-old. Are the documents at my office incorrect? Or is this one of the little secrets that Hatake hides behind his mask?_

"Sakumo, why on earth did you name your son Kakashi?"

"I was going for Toshiro but Yuki insisted for it, you ask her," grumbled the young man as he shot death glares at his wife.

"Yuki be reasonable, this is your firstborn," chided Fugaku.

"Nii-san allow me to remind you who named their son and possible future clan leader a ferret."

_Nii-san? If Yuki is Fugaku's little sister, does that make Kakashi an Uchiha? If so, why did Obito, Sasuke and Itachi have next to no reaction to meeting their own cousin?_

As the adults bickered, Itachi ran over to where Kakashi was sleeping abruptly waking the younger child up. Grubby hands picked up Kakashi as Tsunade attempted to warn the so called mature adults with no avail. A pair of curious eyes met with ones filled with confusion as Itachi gently set down his younger cousin on the floor. Tsunade gasped at the scenario in front of her, imagining that what she saw was only a hallucination. Itachi was attempting to get Kakashi to sit upright, and he was succeeding, well, only for a few seconds before Kakashi landed face down into his cousin's arms. "Mom? I managed to get Kakashi-kun to sit upright." All eyes in the room turned towards of the child prodigy-to-be and clan massacre-to-be.

_WHAT?!?! ITACHI!!! You know a child that age has next to no muscles to __assist__ him sit up properly! That position at that age might even permanently damage his spinal cord! _

…

_When did Itachi get that large of a vocabulary at the age of one and why am I acting like Kakashi's mother? _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I'm sorry about the lack of angst in this chapter, but from now on there will be a lot more. I once again apologize for this fluff. Also I wouldn't mind getting several opinions on how intellectual should Kakashi and Itachi should be. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for the wait! This chapter was really hard for me write. Why? Well, I'm killing off my first- cough Thank you for everyone who reviewed! It makes me want to write more. Only I'd say this is my worst chapter yet. I don't intend to write anything in this type of scenario again because the thought of assault particularly of women make me really uncomfortable.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

**Chapter 3**

A gentle breeze swept through the empty room, as Tsunade smiled at the seemingly warm environment surrounding her. It has been a week since Kakashi was born and Sakumo had left yesterday for a mission requested from the Hokage. Every thing seemed to be calm and peaceful except for one itty-bitty thing.

"Kakashi why are you so clingy today? Normally you can spend and hour or two sitting playing with your toys without making a sound. I can't even put you down for a second before you start bawling your head off," grumbled Yuki as she once again, attempted to set Kakashi into his crib.

Giving up on her attempts to hush her young son, Yuki sauntered to the kitchen to cook her own lunch. _Personally I wouldn't suggest macaroni and cheese for lunch when you are a mother. Yuki seriously needs to consider the fact that whatever she eats is what Kakashi is more or less eating. _Tsunade continued with her ramblings to herself and Yuki continued to stir her lunch but nobody was noticing the aurora of uneasiness emitting from the child.

_ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME WOMAN? HELLO? I AM A CERTIFIED MEDICAL NINJA GIVING YOU ADVICE ON REARING YOUR CHILD!_ The young mother continued on without noticing the Sannin was behind her who was demanding several explanations about her actions. In fact, Yuki turned around and waltzed right through the older woman, as shock registered in the older woman's mind.

A single chime rang through the house as Yuki ran over to Kakashi's crib and placed her sleeping son into his bed before answering the door. Tsunade decided to stay behind and watch Kakashi in case the child wakes up and disrupts his mother's conversation. Wide eyes blinked open and stared around the room in confusion, whimpering ensued immediately as soon as the tiny infant realized that his mother was not anywhere near him. From experimenting, the Sanin had discovered if she concentrated a tiny amount of chakra she could move objects such as knives, pots, clothes and little items like that, sparing the new mother from several accidents. Stroking Kakashi's cheek seemed to calm the child a tiny bit so Tsunade proceeded with her attempts to soothe the infant. _Good, this seems to be keeping him quiet, but Kakashi seems to be really nervous of something. _An uneasy feeling screamed in despair as silence bit into the minds two occupants of the room, only to be shattered by a high pitched scream.

Tsunade burst through the hallway and scrambled down the hall as Kakashi started on a bawling marathon. Yuki's screams of terror and disgust competed with the constant screech of the terrified child. _Finally she shuts up for a long enough of a period so I can actually think…_A bulky man charged at the younger woman only to be stopped by several kunai thrown by Yuki.

"I thought that you Uchihas are supposed to be one of Konoha's noble families, but in the end I guess you high up snobs are just only talk," teased the monster before Yuki. Dark eyes glared at the offending invader, as the man crudely commented on the young woman's appearance.

_Insolent wretch! The only reason why Yuki-san isn't killing you is because if she attacked, the entire complex would burn down to nothing with our little Kakashi inside of it. _As Tsunade once again burbled information to herselfYuki was forced back into the building as the Rain ninja sent floods of water into complex. Following the younger woman into the building, Tsunade was only shocked to find clones swarming the entire building.

"Somebody just go into the brat's room and make him shut up," snarled all of the clones in unison. One grudgingly slipped away as Yuki intensified her glare, tensions were rising and someone would panic and make a fatal mistake.

Panicking, Tsunade scurried back into Kakashi's room before the intruder can get to the child. Kunai flew in the air in attempt to attack the enemy as Tsunade fought against time as well as her confusion.The man entered the nursery, an explosion roared outside as Tsunade skidded into the hallway.

An eerie silence dominated the complex as the Sanin hesitantly entered the room. Kakashi was resting on the floor in the middle of a puddle of water as Tsunade checked his pulse. _That was close, good thing that jerk only dropped him on the floor… on his head…and the water clone is gone…did Yuki defeat him?_ Tsunade's question was answered by a scream of hatred.

"Yuki are you home? It's unlike you to leave the door unlocked." Tsunade woke up for a start, staring at the child in front of her. It has been two days since the attack and thankfully Kakashi seemed to have given up on bawling his head off. Mikoto had arrived in the vicinity with Itachi sleeping peacefully in her arms as she surveyed the damage in her sister-in-law's home. Hatake immediately sensed her presence and started to whine, waking his older cousin from his nap. A single name escaped the mother's mouth as she dashed towards the nursery, unaware of the consequences in the complex. Arriving breathless into the room, Mikoto slumped against the door frame as Itachi scrambled into the cot, cradling the younger child in his arms waiting for the crying to cease. "Itachi, this not a request, don't leave this room. I am going to look for auntie okay?"

Two wide eyes stared at each other as ideas popped in Itachi's mind. Itachi opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted with a shriek of horror. _How much screaming is there going to be in this chapter? This is getting really irritating…_ As Tsunade groaned, Itachi slipped out of the room with Kakashi. Their eyes filled with apprehension and fear as they located where the scream originated.

"Mother, are you in there?"

"Itachi, don't come in here! Go call 911 or your father!"

"But-"

"Go!"

The Konoha Police were on the scene within the hour as Tsunade, Itachi and Kakashi stared blankly at the ceiling. Tears ran down Fugaku's face. His little sister was assaulted and murdered and he was sitting at his office twiddling his thumbs. How was he going to tell Sakumo? Or Father? At least Kakashi was still alive, alive but abnormally quiet. "Mikoto, we are going to take in Kakashi until Sakumo comes back."

"Of course, we have to! Even Itachi is treating him like a little brother, but your father would object. You know how our relations with the Hatake clan are. Father was furious when Yuki married the man she loved. I think he'll blame Sakumo for her death, and he will no doubt take out his frustration on his grandchild. He might-"

"Excuse me for my intrusion, Fugaku we will have to continue our investigation tomorrow. The Hokage has summoned us, as well as your father," mumbled one of Fugaku's workmates. Throwing a glance at his wife, Fugaku nodded and left with the rest of the crew, leaving his wife to return home with the two children.

A/N:

twitch

I can't believe I just wrote that…shot and if I didn't a chunk of the plot would be missingshot again… Please R&R (and tell me not to write this kind of stuff anymore) And I promise that the next chapter won't be as cheesy!

Thank-you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Night washed the sky black when Fugaku returned home from the Hokage's office

A/N: Sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please R&R. If you have any questions feel free to leave me a note!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Must I write this every single time?

**Chapter 4**

Night washed the sky black when Fugaku returned home from the Hokage's office. It was no help when his father constantly accused the Hatake clan for the death of his youngest daughter. Tsunade couldn't help watching the young man converse with his wife, her frown widen as each word left his mouth. It was only a matter of time before Sakumo returns home to Konoha.

"Father is on to me. I have no idea how long we can hold out with Kakashi in our hands, if the Hokage doesn't do anything about it."

"Is Sakumo returning tomorrow?"

"Yes at 8:30, father is going to give him a grilling or two."

"And that gives us about 10 hours to devise a plan on how to break the news of Yuki's death to Sakumo."

"We'll have to stuff it in his face the old fashioned way. There is no way around Yuki's death. How was Kakashi's reception?" At this Tsunade as well as Mikoto threw their head back and laughed heartily, images raced across their minds as the young man stared in confusion at his wife.

Smiling sweetly at her newly acquired memories, the Sanin glanced at the sleeping child inside the spare crib. _No wonder why Kakashi-kun always wears his mask… he is a chick magnet no matter how young he is. _

_Flash back_

_As soon as Mikoto had the oath of keeping Hatake a secret from every single female Uchiha, she scampered back into her home and brought the child out. Their first reaction was to stare. The second was more of a nightmare than a reaction. Kakashi returned home with swollen cheeks that were caked in lipstick, gifts and toys by the ton and with hot pink bow ties in his gravity defying hair. Use your imagination._

_Flash back ended_

--o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0--

Ebony eyes burnt into Sakumo's cranium the minute he entered the Hokage's tower. Tsunade stared hopelessly at the 4 men inside of her future office, as disbelief crossed Sakumo's pale features. Fugaku desperately attempted to calm his father but the elderly man burst into rage, "How dare you return to Konoha! First you took away my beloved daughter, and now you let her die! Obviously, the Hatake clan is a disgrace to Konoha, failing to even protect their loved ones!"

"Father, it's not his fault, things happen in other families and households as well."

"Silence, you blind fool," snarled the aged man as his eldest daughter, Mika, entered the room with her child. Bitter words were exchanged while the silver haired man continued to stare blankly in shock.

"Hello Hokage-sama, Sakumo-kun, Father and Fugaku. Oh Sakumo, I wanted to congratulate you and Yuki-chan on your new child! I haven't seen the either of you two lately… how is my dear little sister?" The second the words left her mouth, Sakumo started to wail like a two- year old as her father attempted to burn his son-in-law for the tenth time that day.

"Idiot, no matter how many times we repeat information to you, you still mess up!! Why are you always late and pathetically slow? Kakashi was born about a week and a half ago, Yuki is dead, there was a 'Do not disturb' sign on the door and you just butt in and ask? Don't you ever think that your habits will influence your own child-"

"Obito? Nonsense! My little baby knows better than that!"

"Baby? What baby? He is almost 4 and Itachi has a larger range of vocabulary than him!"

"Stop shouting, you're making Obito cry!"

"And you should stop pampering him!"

"Father, stay out of this, I can raise my own child however I want. Anyways, Fugaku, what happened to Yuki again?"

"Why don't you ever listen the first time?"

"Becau-"

"SILENCE!" as soon as Sarutobi's request was granted, he continued. "Sakumo, you'll stay at my place with ANBU escort while we clean up the crime scene. And no, you may NOT commit seppuku." Konoha's White Fang slowly trudged out the door while the three remaining Uchihas in the room awarded the ruler their patented glare. "As we all see, Hatake is in no condition to care for his son physically and mentally. The Hatake clan flatly refused due to the fact that Kakashi is half Uchiha, Fugaku, do you mind taking the child in?"

"I absolutely refuse to allow my son to adopt someone from that despicable clan of barbarians after all they just a bunch of-"

"Father, I'm not adopting him, I'm more or less babysitting until Sakumo recovers from shock and trauma and yes Hokage-sama I will take full custody of the child until my brother in-law recovers to the point where he is able to tend for his child."

"How can you call that jerk your brother in-law? He let your sister die helplessly-" the older man was interrupted with a slap to his face by his eldest child. "Mika, have you forgotten your of your position? Stop rolling your eye, if you continue in this manner I will take action as the clan leader."

"And perhaps I should knock some sense through your as-"

"If you are going to kill each other, please don't use the Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu in here– WAIT! There goes my precious paperwork…"

_Sensei, you have been in your office for too long…_

--o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o--

"Hello, you can't talk yet can you? My name is Itachi!" A single blank stare continued to bore into him as the Sanin snickered at Itachi's reception. Frustration and delight sparred with each other on the mass murderer's face as he attempted to get a reaction out of his new playmate that seemed to be made out of granite.

While the two infants bonded Tsunade frowned as she stared at her pocket watch, the hands of the clock stood frozen in their place. _ I just changed the batteries in this thing, why isn't this thing working? The second Kakashi sent me here, this stupid watch that sensei gave me isn't working. It's been over a week in this place and the second hand didn't even budge… come to think about it…where did the Copy Nin send me?_ A gentle wind teased with her bangs while she continued to stare at the two children, aimlessly thinking of all the possibilities before dozing off into a deep sleep.

--o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o--

**Time skip: Three months later**

_The Uchiha's are insane or overly patriotic. What sane clan would start training kids for the militia when they're only __**three months**__ old? That's a little extreme even if the child is a genius…_

Winter in Konoha could be described in a variety of adjectives or just one.

"Unpredictable."

"Un-pweediccabul," a tiny face scrunched up in distaste as his playmate repeated the phrase.

"No, Kakashi Unpredictable."

"Unpweedictable…Unpwredictable… Unpredictable. There!" Two grins of satisfaction swept across the two infant's faces as amused parents watch from a distance.

Both toddlers have achieved rather impressive feats that would send any Hyuuga and their strict disciplinary manner screaming across a main street during rush hour. Hatake was the genius prodigy that exceeded anyone's expectations, having a vocabulary of 250 words, being able to crawl and walk at the age of three months. **Three months**. Perhaps Kakashi was spending too much time around his cousin. Itachi was just a normal child at the age of one, or more accurately as normal as a genius brat could get. He had the ability of the average eight-year old, just only more agile, dangerous, and powerful

…and chibi.

"Nii-san, what time are we leaving for training?" Hatake had developed the habit in calling Itachi his older brother, leaving Tsunade in even deeper pit of questions.

_So, if Kakashi is close enough to the Uchiha clan to the point where he could call the child prodigy his brother, why isn't he DEAD?_

"In ten minutes, we're going to pick up Obito and Shisui then go to training ground number 44," a cocky little grin spread across Itachi face as his younger cousin's eyes widened in shock. "Yeah, we are going to the Forest of Death! It's going to be a five day survival training with ambushes, traps and we're all alone, fun eh?"

_We have an one year old and a three month old brat, how do you expect to leave an infant, let alone two, to live in the middle of nowhere for five days and expect them to be able to protect them selves while other children who are older than them are just learning how to walk? Even all of that suicidal training for the past two months wouldn't make a difference. Fugaku, are you even listening to me? Helllooooooooooooooooooooooo?_

A/N: Well... Who here thinks that the brats are far too intelligent for their own sake? Thanks for reading! Click the little button…. You know you want to…


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for reading everyone, I hope that you'll like the story(s) to come and please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and i hate writing this EVERY single time. Meh.

**Chapter 5**

Outside the doors of a particular house, there sat three children waiting for another child who was in that one house. "Shisui, how much longer do you think Obito will take to get out the house?"

"How should I know?"

"But we have been waiting for three hours already, surely he would have had at least said something by now… hey, Kakashi can you go check up on him?" Hatake quietly slipped around the house as the two older boys chatted quietly, leaving Tsunade with the choice of going with the silver haired brat or to supervise the two older rascals. She decided to go with the latter.

"Did you tell Kakashi yet?"

"Not yet, I'll tell him later when we have Obito with us as well, anyways who are you taking as your tag-team, Obito or Kakashi? After all the regulation requires us to be in pairs."

_Regulations? What regulations? I thought everyone was just going for a little suicidal camping trip not some sort of test._

"I'm going to take Obito. After all we did train with each other for the last six months. It would only make sense if Kakashi went with you since Hatake is more confident when around you and Obito is far too stubborn to be bossed around by someone that is younger than him by three years." Shisui chuckled as a loud scream emanated from the complex, "And that would be Obito waking up from his beauty sleep."

o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"I'm sorry, but we have been waiting for at least three hours, if we don't get going we would be late and none of the elders would be glad."

"Okay Shisui nii-san but Kakashi all you needed to do to wake me up was to call me…"

"I've already tried that, including shaking you, opening the window, tickling you, stealing your blanket, stealing your pillow, punching, kicking-"

"But why did you use a miniature **Suiton Suiryuudan no Jutsu**?"

"Because you slept like a rotting log and that it always works."

"You little-"

"Obito, shut-up, we are almost there anyways, and Grandfather is going to get angry at us again." Ominous winds cut through the winter morning as the four toddlers trudged towards the training ground. Shisui spoke up once again, "Look, this is just the preliminary trail, if we don't pass this; we won't be able to get into the final test and this is only once in a lifetime chance. Itachi will go with Kakashi, I'll go with Obito, and does everyone understand? "

"What preliminary test? I though we were going to be alone?" A whiney voice emerged from the shuffling group, "Anyways, shouldn't I be with one of the **younger** kids, after all I'm the eldest, and more mature and-"

"No. Obito, your chakra is the same as Kakashi, so you can't go with him, and if you went with Itachi, I would have made HIM leader over the two of you. You too haughty for the task, it's a matter of life or death. We are going against people who are at least three times older than you and have more experience as genin, chunin, jonin or even ANBU." A sly grin sped over Shisui's face, "Obito, don't you think that the top two pranksters of the Uchiha clan should work together instead? Think of the sheer horror on their faces when we outwit those punks!" The disappointed expression immediately warped into a brilliant grin that only idiots can pull off.

_So we have a three month old, a one year old brat, a three year old and a big mouthed four year old fighting for their lives in the forest in the middle of winter with life threatening situations. And they are concerned about pulling pranks on their sempai? _

Team Chibi silently strode into a small building beside the gates entrance, receiving the shocked glances from fellow Uchiha's. "Why is there a bunch of kids here? I thought this was a preliminary for the two 'swords', not a day care center. Also why is the Hatake brat here?" Murmuring flowed in and out but was abruptly stopped when the kunoichi set their eyes on the four toddlers. The disdainful chatter immediately turned into jealousy as the troupe of female participants crowded around Itachi and Kakashi.

"But they're so cute! Jimi-kun, you better not hurt them! What are your names? Are you two taking the test?"

"I'm Itachi and this is my cousin Kakashi, yeah, we're taking the test too! Don't go easy on us just because we are little!" A gentle chuckle floated around the room, who would have thought that a one year old, let alone a tiny three months old to be a threat?

o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A jonin swept into the room, coughing loudly, "we are all here for the preliminary examination, and the passing percentage of the initial assessment is eight percent. Only four pairs of all the teams in the room will continue into the major test. As we all know, the former two 'swords' have died in the sabotage on Konoha in the last three months, and now we need the new replacements. This is not a game, if you even think that you won't survive, drop out. The physical and psychological training is brutal and it can compare to the ANBU regulations or even worse. Slackers you aren't going to survive the first test, fools that are afraid of death will be eliminated the second that they show fear and if you die, I'm sorry but your funeral would have to wait. Does every one understand?" Silence swarmed the room, as the clock in the room slowly chatted to itself.

"Now here is the rules, you must complete the tasks stated in the scrolls that you'll shortly receive. Do not show mercy to anyone, as you will fail. If you leave the boundaries of the training grounds, you fail, that includes any weapons and death is to be expected so anything goes. Meet back at the gate in exactly 120 hours at dawn. All participants who wish quit now please state so now."

A wave of hands rose above Team Chibi's heads, consisting of mostly Genin and Chunin teams. "Oh yeah, the older you are the greater the pain, rumors have it that the pain that is equivalent to the legendary **Tsukuyomi,** thus increasing the seventy percent survival rate, but no worry you can still take the test." The second wave was some of the elite ANBU and Jonin, leaving only twenty teams to take the test including the tiny brats.

_I need my sake... NOW. What kind of clan would allow _**_babies_**_ participate in a life-threatening preliminary exam? Kakashi can't even reach the top of the dining table without his booster seat, and here he is in the stupid exam for the position of the deceased two 'swords' or something, _snarled Tsunade as she sat in the corner waiting for a the teams to file out to the gates. Hazel eyes widen in shock as a familiar yellow blur sped across her, swift thinking forced the Sanin to scramble after the shinobi. A young man who was obviously not from the Uchiha clan carelessly dangled from a broad tree, watching the men line up before the gates. Although this was a private, if not top secret, gathering of the clan, nobody took notice of the man's presence nor did they heed to his startling aquamarine gaze. The chunin vest held snugly to the man's powerful build as black sweatpants graced his lower abdomen with crisp bandages secured the legging to his ankles. A fresh pine scent floated in the winter air as his signature yellow hair ruffled in the gentle breeze.

_Minato-kun?_

o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N: My first cliffhanger! I'll try to move slightly more quickly but the next chapter might take longer to pop out. I hoped you enjoy the considerably quicker update! Reviews will be used to boost my ego and speed up updates… or faster than the normal pace. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hello! Sorry for the long wait, I've been busy with something nasty called school. Also this chapter will reveal a _little_ more information on why Tsunade is in this... mess. Thanks to every one who reviewed! It is greatly appreciated! Enjoy and please R&R!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter 6

---

Sunlight shone through the snowy branches as deer quietly nibble on the bark of a deciduous tree. Soft ears perked up in alert before the elegant creatures scampered off into the distance. Two frowns widened on the team's stoic faces, it was far too foolish to make their presence so well known in an area where there is bound to enemies that have the intention to kill. One of the chunins slumped onto their rear into the snow as the other quietly whined about the stubborn yet stupid genins that insisted on following them for the last six hours. Wind swept up the dainty water crystals into the air as the duo relaxed with the sunlight bathing them through the shadowy branches.

"That's their second mistake in three minutes," grumbled a childish voice forcing the chunins back onto their feet. "They don't seem to be even worth the effort, but orders are orders!" Black shadows swung from branch to branch causing large piles of snow to drop unceremoniously onto the confused pair. Two shuriken lodged deep into an elegant maple as the chunin team threw several kunai at the tiny silver haired child only to find a stump who was riddled with holes.

"The Hatake brat seems just as pathetic as the rest of his clan," snarled the Uchiha as a swift flick of the wrist sent another kunai at a moving shadow. "Somebody has to show the stupid clan their place within society," continued the cocky teen as unnoticed wires encircled the oblivious shinobi. "Come out, you little brat," teased the young man as thin slender pieces of metal strings decided to constrict into his and his partners flesh. Two bodies slammed into the same maple that was riddled with shuriken as two diminutive shadows bounced into the bloody shinobis view. A small gloved hand rose from the duo and tugged at the wire while the razor sharp strand of metal cut deep slits into their necks and organs. Red blood slid down the cold skin of the shinobi as Itachi swiftly cut out the Uchiha symbol from their uniforms while his young cousin untangled the remaining wires from the carcasses.

"Kashi, we need two more pieces of the Uchiha symbols, right? We already have six of them."

"Yeah, I think so, but shouldn't you stop calling me Kashi? Grandpa got mad at you when you started calling me that."

"Nah, I'm too lazy to say the extra Ka." A silver eyebrow rose in amusement as Itachi merely shrugged off the light stare, "He's not here right now anyways."

"Sure, just don't blame me if you get a spanking," droned the little infant as he gently poked one of the dead bodies. "When do you think these uncles will wake up?"

"I don't know, I think they'll wake up by tomorrow or that's what grandma said. Say let's go find another pair, we still need another set of the clan symbol then we'll be finished and we can go see the auntie at the lake."

Tsunade just stared and stared and glared. Just what were those nut heads thinking? She knew the Uchiha clan was crazy but she hadn't expected them to expect **babies** to **kill**. Anger flushed across her face as she watched the two children scamper off farther into the snowy landscape. _Sake… I need a big fat bottle of sake to distract me…NOW._ Hazel eyes wandered around the forest as a whir of yellow passed by her, nearly toppling the woman face first into the snow._ Say I wonder why nobody has noticed that blond idiot hopping around the place, after all he isn't even trying to hide his presence and his hair isn't really helping his camouflage. Wait, why isn't there any footprints from that idiots student's steps or mine for that fact?_

_oooooOOOOOOooooo  
_

Minato just stared and stared and glared. Just what were those nut heads thinking? He knew the Uchiha clan was crazy but he hadn't expected them to have **babies** to **kill**. Angry waves of the ocean clashed in his cerulean eyes as the two infants scampered past him into the snowy forest. Blowing a stray strand of blond hair away from his view, he quickly spun around away from the bloody scene to view the _other _side of the forest. A confused expression replaced rage as a familiar person came within his line of vision. _Tsunade, just what are you doing here? Are you not off on a little journey to escape this psychotic world, this world of death? _After a moment of silence from the Yellow Flash and murmuring about sake from the older woman, the young man decided to pursue his student and the fellow prodigy. By the time Tsunade had caught up with the three, the two had already found another set of unfortunate shinobi and they were not faring any better than the two before them. As soon as they finished removing their weapons, the two once again scampered off into the distance.

"_Can't you three be good little boys and stay in one place? I'm getting old here," _snarled the busty sage as she halted to a sudden stop.

"_Who is the third little boy Tsunade-hime? And what are you doing here?"_

"_What? Did Minato just talk to me? Nah, that's impossible…Nobody can see me or hear me talking to myself. This psycho world that Kakashi sent me into, what the heck is it?"  
_

"_Tsunade-hime, I am over here."  
_

"_I really need to get my ears checked," _muttered the current Hokage as she ran her hand through her blond tresses. Irritated at the actions of his superior, Minato whipped out his trusty weapon and started reading the contents on the first page out loud.

"_Icha Icha Volume 3, by Ero-sensei. This series is dedicated to my beloved student and his adorable little students who unfortunately are underage and cannot appreciate the beauty of this work. Chapter One- It was a stormy and cold night when the two met on the battlefield. Winter winds swept up the long blond tresses as the female shinobi swiftly danced across the bloody plain- _A fist blazing with chakra crunched deep into the trunk of the tree as Minato perched himself another tree, tucking the book back into the kunai pouch. No matter when or who he used it on, sensei's book has always either stunned them into shock or sent them into an angry frenzy. When one is angry, they don't think and when one is stunned and if they are before the Yellow Flash, they are in deep, deep trouble. _"Now that I have your attention any my answer to my former question, Tsunade-sama may I ask what are you doing here?"_

"_I have no idea. Your beloved little student sent me here without any explanation or any consent."_

"_Well, it's either he trusts and knows you very well or he's desperate."_

"_It's more likely the latter. He has already tried to commit suicide."_

"_Why? What happened? Where was Obito, Rin and I?"_

"_Wait- slow down, since you already asked me a few questions, it's only fair that YOU answer my endless list of questions. How the heck did you get here?"_

"_Geez, o-baa san is just as confident and as persistent as she was before she left Konoha."_

"_Minato, are you trying to tempt me to maul you to your death before the Kyuubi can even- Answer the question already, brat."_

"_Glorious ramen, I forgot that you can hear me. What about the nine tailed demon?"_

"_Minato…answer the question."_ A hollow silence fluttered in as the two Hokages started the patented Hatake-glare-and-the-brilliant-Gai-smile war. Guess who was smiling. _"Now Minato, we don't have all eternity."_

"_Actually, we do."_

"_Just answer the damn question already brat!"_

"_The four of us went to Kushina's place for a supper and our lovable yet stuck-up prodigy was fulfilling his stereotypical role by sitting by himself outside while the rest of the team and host partied like fools bellow. I decided to sneak up behind Hatake Junior and found him training. Normally, I wouldn't even blink if I saw Kakashi training, but his eyes were the-"_

"_The Sharingan?"_

"_Yeah, the bloodline was present in both of his eyes and the minute he sensed my presence he deactivated them but I had already seen a flash of the bloodline. I demanded to have explanations and he said it was too troublesome to answer. I was slightly drunk and the threats stated to roll out."_

"_Minato, What are you teaching the children?"_

"_It's not my fault that Kushina spiked all of my drinks! Anyways, the kid explained that he was going to send me into a memory network and just show me the entire show without having to say a single thing. I really need to get him out his anti-social phase…"_

"_Why the heck would a chunin know such an advanced ANBU technique like that?"_

"_He just passed his jonin exam and I just told him this evening."_ The silent abyss returned as Tsunade stared that the poor man, _"What?"_

"_Do you have a mission to blow up a bridge tomorrow?"_

"_Yes, how did you know?"_

"_If I told you, history will not take its course."_

"_Did we lose the war? Did somebody blow Konoha into smithereens?"_

"_No, I am not going to say anything."_

"_Did I propose to Kushina?"_

"_I told you that I'm not going to say anything."_

"_Did-"_

"_Minato, we are going to lose sight of the kids, so shut up,"_ snapped the healer as she jumped off into the distance after the children. A sneaky smile spread across the young man's face and the itching desire to ask the forbidden question was clawing its way up his throat. _"And no, I did not marry your stupid teacher, no matter how many times that pervert asked,"_ the grin was promptly widened. _I hope he can't hear my thinking,_ thought the elderly woman as she scowled the man's expression. _Good, no mind reading. That'll save my sanity or at least until I receive the message that the brat wants me to receive._

_oooooOOOOOOooooo_

If it weren't so out of place it would have been cute. But since it is so abnormal and strange, it would have qualified to air on a freak show or two. Seriously, where on earth do you find a three month old baby and a one year old mixing and heating up their own formula over a blazing fire in a snow covered forest? No where in reality but Tsunade and Minato were privileged enough to be the first human being to see this abnormal action.

"…_What do they feed these kids?"_

_"I am afraid to ask."_

Before Tsunade even finished her sentence, a familiar, loud and shrilly scream echoed throughout the frosty air catching the foursome's attention.

"That idiot will never learn will he nii-san?"

"Nope," growled the older boy as the two sped off towards the scream, forcing their two blond companions to follow.

---

Guess who is screaming and you'll get a stockpile of internet cookies. No seriously, it's not that hard.

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: It has been almost a year since I uploaded! Here is crack. Not a very serious chapter… I'm not sure if anyone is still following this, as this fic is kind of half asleep. May I have a head count of the number of people that are actually still interested in reading this? I may not continue if people are not interested…

EDIT: New style of writing, tell me what you think! EDIT2: The wall of Italics have been removed, Punctuation corrected and … new info?

Many thanks to **GHSNEKO**! You are a life saver!

Text legend

Inserttext—Normal punctuation applies  
_insertext_—Anyone thinking  
'inserttext'– Minato and Tsunade speaking

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd kill half of the characters, and let them die a bloody and slow death.

* * *

'Now, children, why don't we sing a song?' sung a rather out of character soon-to-be Hokage.  
'One set of eyes bore holes into your skull,  
Two sets shifted with sadistic glee,'

'Minato, as one of the three Sanin of Konoha, I demand that you spare your dignity and halt this song.' The older woman's patience was wearing thin.

'And dear children, how did these eyes twitch? They go-'

Very thin, far more thin than it should be for a medic. Perhaps this is why Tsunade was such a quick and efficient healer; she could never stand dealing with the perpetual whining of the patients.

'Left,  
Right,  
Left,  
Right,'

'Minato, I'm going to count to three…' A wrinkle or two creased over the perfect completion on Tsunade's face.

'Left,  
Right,  
Left-'

* * *

"Kashi! Stop glaring at me! And will you two stop staring and help your big, awesomely cool nii-san down," hissed a certain goggled boy as he hung suspended from a snow covered branch.

"You fell into the trap."

"And? Pipsqueak, traps are meant to capture the un-.. unsus- … people who are not paying attention." The irony about Obito calling his younger teammates 'pipsqueaks' was lost on Tsunade and Minato as the former was trying her best to not murder her fellow Hokage.

"You fell into the DECOY trap that YOU set up," snapped the white haired tyke, "And, aren't shinobi supposed to be aware at all times?"

Disbelief danced merrily around the air as Obito answered, "Oh Kakashi, I fooooorgot! I was busy thinking about what I should do to be the most AWESOME shinobi of Konoha!"

"Should I ask about how you will reach your foolish goals that wander incessantly in between that hollow cranium of yours?" asked Itachi as he repaired the ruined trap.

"I will help old ladies with their groceries, find their frightened cats and- and-" A burst of laughter cut the boy's ramble, "Shisui, Shut up! I order you to get me down, right now!"

"I don't feel like it. Konoha's shinobi must be able to complete their mission, despite whatever is thrown to them. But you were so busy showing off your so-so skills to Kashi, you forgot to do your work! I'm going to set up the traps that YOU were supposed to do." An angry pout graced the orange loving boy as his former ally toddled away.

* * *

'One little boy walked off,  
Two little boys sat down, to watch their friend-  
Swing like a water balloon!'

'Minato.'

'One set of eyes bore more holes into the poor cranium,  
the other sparkled with malicious delight!  
And dear children, how did these eyes twitch? They go-  
Left,'

'Stop it. Now,' ordered the man's superior, but he still continued to sing that glass breaking song.

'Right,  
Left,  
Right,'

* * *

"Ita-nii, we came all the way down here to hear Obito trying to order us awound?" The little face scrunched up in distaste of his pronunciation, while his partner smiled at his reaction.

"No, Kashi, we here to enjoy the show put on by Obi nii-san. Any problems?"

"We should start on making a shelter… I think there is supposed to be a blizzard tonight… but I want some more formula*(1) later, is that okay?"

"Fine… we'll be back, Obi nii-san!"

"Get back here you twats! If this is about me being late, I'm not going to say sorry! ... You two really did not mean that... right? Coooome baaaaaaackkk! Don't leaaave meeeeeeeee!"

* * *

Tsunade wasn't sure what was driving up her blood pressure, the sadistic tendencies of the tiny tykes, the lack of information before being sent into where-ever-she-was by the unstable jonin, or the makeshift musical created by the tone death blond.

'One little boy all alone,  
Swinging~  
Swinging~  
Like a water balloon!'

'Minato, please stop before I decide to break something, namely your spine.'

_Ah! That shut him up,_ thought Tsunade. Pausing before she continued, the older woman glanced around and slipped her hand through the tree, proving her hypothesis viable. She spoke, 'Minato, if we are just viewing the memory network, as you stated earlier, how am I able to communicate with you?'

'No, it is impossible! The great Lady Tsunade doesn't know one of Konoha's infamous techniques?'

'Minato, stop acting like your teacher and smarten up.' She could have sworn that she had seen the after-image of Jiraiya smirking at her.

'Alright ma'am, this is a justu created by Ibiki Sui*(2), I'm sure you've heard of the current head of the interrogation unit, right?'

'I'm more familiar with his son,' stated the busty women, after a slight hesitation.

'O ho ho! Like them young, eh?'

The student teacher duo was the same. Right down to that cheesy grin. The Sanin needed a lesson about being a bad influence. The man targeted Minato, then Kakashi, and now Naruto, intent on spreading his way of thinking. Tsunade couldn't decide whether Orochimaru or Jiraiya was the greater evil. Both were just are corrupted in her opinion.

'Stay on topic, and no, Sui-san was dead by the time I returned back to Konoha, so the brat was in charge of the unit.'

'Did Sui-san die in the war, Ms. From the Future? When the hell did you come back anyways? We seriously need your help in Konoha right now.'

'Minato, I don't want to rewrite history. I'm sorry, I've had enough horror stories about shinobi traveling in and about the past and future written by some sick minded creeps.'

The young man frowned, and put on his best puppy face, hoping that the older woman would soften and let some sort of information through. Unfortunately, he only received a scathing glare telling him that she wasn't going to crack. Experience, after all, had taught her better than to fall under the tricks of the apprentice of _that_ idiot.

'Fine, Sui-san made the technique to enter the minds of enemy shinobi, but it had one major flaw. Instead of entering the memory frame of the target, the target would enter the memories of the justu user. Thankfully, it was first tested on a fellow ninja, so no information was lost to the enemy.'

'Brat, I know what the justu is. I need to know if you know why we are talking to each other when we are obviously from different time periods.' Minato nodded in answer. 'Good, at least you're more intelligent than your useless teacher.'

'I don't know, this is just a theory from the Perv, but the justu sends the targets to a hole of time to view the memories.'

'And how does he know this?'

'He was the test subject.' Tsunade nodded. She would trust Jiraiya's judgment and instinct, even if he was an idiot half the time. After all, it had saved the three teammates on more than one occasion, but that was another story for another time.

* * *

Thankfully, the Forth had stopped singing by the time the two returned.

Itachi had finally released his cousin from the simplistic trap and was nursing the bruises the boy received when he was struggling. Kakashi flicked a kunai up to reset the trap and turned around to face his sempai. "Where's Shisui-nii?"

Two wide eyes narrowed in worry underneath the neon orange goggles, "He doesn't normally take that long… should we go look for him?"

"No."

"Itachhiiiii! You're so CRUEL! What if he got caught?"

"That's the problem. Kashi, I want you to go to the shelter. Obito, come with me."

"Ohhhh, Yay! Are we going on a rescue mission like the awesome shinobi on Saturday morning in that black box?"

"We won't be if we get caught by your obnoxiously loud voice! Do you not know the meaning of stealth?"

"Why can't I come, Ita-nii?"

"You're three months old. I don't think people should send out people that are only three months old in the field. I don't want to put you into any more danger than necessary and you're getting tired."

'Yes! Some sort of common human logic!' crowed the blond woman as she sighed in relief from the unrealistic nightmare in front of her.

'Of course, why not send two babies instead of three, because that makes a huge difference,' grumbled her companion of the trip.

'Minato, leave me alone,' growled Tsunade as she returned her attention to the boys.

"I'll need you for back-up if we fail this operation," trailed the Uchiha as he rewrapped his scarf around his neck.

Obito and Kakashi's eyes respectively bulged and twitched at the words spouting out of their fellow toddler, one at the flood of new words and the other at the absurdity of the suggestion.

'I retract my statement.'

* * *

A/N: I was rereading my chapters and I noticed that it was a little hard to read, so I decided to change my style and hope that it helps on your reading experience.

I'm sorely tempted to put this in Humor and Tragedy, instead of Angst. At the rate I'm going at, the story doesn't really fit that well into the angst genre.

Screw the logic of infancy. These ninja babies are monsters.

* (1) Formula milk

* (2) Ibiki's dad is made up.

Thank-you for reading, and I wouldn't mind some sort of feed back!

Next chapter:

"Baka Obito, don't move. Ita- nii is mad."

'Ooooh boy, this isn't going to be pretty…'


End file.
